How do I not get hit by a bus?

I’m gonna die of stupid someday. How did I get through all these years without being hit by a bus? I’m gonna die alone a crazy cat lady, if the stupidity doesn’t get me first.

Today I had a minor meltdown on the bus on the way home from work after staying back late. I sat in my seat furiously blinking away the tears as I stared into the pages of my book, ironically called How to be Good, even thought I felt so so so so bad.  The book’s actually pretty brilliant, even if it is taking me twice as long to read, because, in a recent state of stupidity, I no longer have the concentration needed to get to the bottom of a page in a paperback novel.

I get home from work only to realise I have next to no clean underwear left for tomorrow and am now reduced to wearing bikini bottoms in lieu of fresh laundry.

funny-memes-thanks-for-ordering

I forgot to renew my car insurance and car rego.

I haven’t eaten dinner yet but I think it’s too late coz it’s 12:30am.

Even though I’ve said that, I am still thinking of watching an episode of something – Communitymaybe? I have yet to decide.

Spoke to my dad on the phone earlier this evening and he asked how the wedding planning was going. Yeh, it’s not, although I do very much enjoy visiting all the lovely reception venues my fiancee and I are unable to afford. Correction, able to afford but unwilling to pay for because we still do want to have some leftover money for things like rent and going out.

How does a seemingly fully functioning adult let everything fall by the wayside? What’s the matter with me?!?!

I want to crawl into a hole containing a chaise lounge, a bucket of popcorn, a 1L bottle of Fanta, a TV and all 10 seasons of Friends ready to go.

Can I do that? Can I just skip out on life for a while?

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A funny thing happened on the way to the sex scene …

Like being an actor wasn’t soul-baring enough …

So last night the Mister and I went to watch a play, one that was run as part of this year’s Sydney Fringe Festival. I love this festival. It supports new and emerging talent, left-of-centre entertainment and generally anything edgy. So in keeping with this theme, the festival runs Equus, a play that is all at once unnerving, shocking and just full of WTF moments. In a good way. And by good, I mean, “hmmmm, interesting”, not good in a Candy Crush kind of way.  Highbrow good, know what I mean?

So the Mister and I were sitting in the audience watching this play called Equus, which is highly unnerving. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s the play Daniel Radcliffe did on the West End when he was on school holidays from Hogwarts.  You know, the one where he had to get his kit off in front of everyone?  Yeh, that play.

We’re at the point in the storyline where two of the characters are in the nuddy coz they’re doing their sexy time.  I haven’t seen a naked man other than the Mister in a looong time and I haven’t seen a naked woman since I stopped going to the gym (a loooong time too) and therefore no longer get dressed behind my towel in the change room trying to be all nonchalant about all the nudity in front of me.  I’m not a prude, I’m just not an exhibitionist.

So the nudie bits in the play were not for nothing, and they were part of the storyline, but goddamn those actors had not a stitch of clothing on!  And right there, right at that point in the scene, the fire alarm goes off. So we’re all sitting there thinking, “Hmmm, this is awkward”, and the actors on stage had kind of frozen in their nudity, kind of like someone had hit the pause button on them. A theatre attendant usherette lady comes on stage and says the play has to stop for a bit because there is actually no fire, the alarm just tricked up, and the fire brigade would be there shortly but that it was standard procedure for them to check the premises out anyway – just in cases.

So usherette lady wraps the nudie actors up in big koala fuzz blankets and they mercifully hightail it backstage.  The play resumed again after 15 minutes and the actors took it from where they left off.  Fair play to those guys, I would have DIED of embarrassment but to their credit they were really good about it and if actually garnered them a standing ovation for their professionalism and commitment to their characters and the play.

This is not the only time I have experienced Frozen Sex Scene. I was on an international flight from Hong Kong to Sydney once and one of the movies featured a couple of very nice looking guys. The movie was a foreign film called Habana Blues and as many of you know, with foreign films, particularly those produced in Europe (which this was – it was party produced in Spain), they are quite fond of their sex scenes. So there I am with my first plastic cup of water in two hours, watching my film when BAM! The sex scene hits and the nice looking guy is all nekkid with a lady and there is like nooooooooo prettying it up.  There wasn’t even sexy time background music prior to the act to pre-warn me.

It was going on for about 15 seconds when the captain made an announcement about something mundane like free peanuts or something, and that’s when I realised that my screen had FROZEN on the part where the couple in the film are both … really … enjoying each other’s naked company.  All TV screens had frozen whenever there was an announcement made over the plane’s PA system.

Needless to say,  I was mortified because someone walked past my screen from the toilet back to their seat, and then I think a flight attendant came around to actually give out those free peanut packets and I just didn’t know how to hide my screen. Yikes!

FYI, my review for this crazy night is here.  And this is how Daniel Radcliffe talking about his stage experience:

Considerate consumerism? I hope so!

The jackpot at the Round She Goes Vintage Market in August, 2013 in Marrickville

The jackpot at the Round She Goes Vintage Market in August, 2013 in Marrickville

This is brilliant. Lately, like in the past 6 months or so, I’ve been buying a lot of clothes from thrift shops and second-hand stores etc. Even when I was overseas I kinda lost my shit in thrift shops. It saved me a ton of money and I was able to buy items that were unique and stopped me from wearing what everyone else was wearing. Op-shopping meant I was able to buy pretty reasonable wool jumpers at a fraction of the cost of what I would have paid if I had bought it at a shopping centre. And, because I bought them from the Lifeline shop up the road, I was also helping my local community.

I was shopping in the second-hand bookshop in my ‘hood a little while ago, when I came across a flier advertising Considerate Consumerisma movement which promotes the buying of goods that are not brand new, but instead re-used, re-cycled or even up-cycled. I reckon a more considerate form of consumerism is to not buy ANYTHING at all unless you absolutely need it (groceries, toiletries and cleaning products would fall under the latter category, an updated summer wardrobe would fall under the former).

Needless to say, I jumped on to that considerate consumerism bandwagon pretty damn quickly.  The flier I had was very specific in their message though, “The challenge is not to buy anything new for 12 months”.  Brilliant, I thought. I could use a challenge.

Since that time I have failed twice already. I bought some new tops from Sportsgirl (on a whim, or most likely out of boredom) about a week ago and the buyer’s remorse that took over me that night was palpable.  The second time I failed was when, also on a whim and also most likely out of boredom, I bought earrings because I felt like I “needed bigger earrings”. Fail, fail.  Hopeless failures, both times.

BUT I have won the battle more times than I have failed (so far). I attended a vintage market fair in Marrickville and I kid you not, I could have stayed there for HOURS. I feel terrible that my fiancee came along (wasn’t really his scene, obviously), but the poor bugger was just so damn supportive and he offered to play photographer for the day so he tagged along. But I just love knowing that the pieces I bought that day (I bought 6) were not overpriced, unique, and more importantly, did not make me look like I was dressed by a cast member from Jersey Shore. 

I also, apart from those two moments of weakness in Pitt Street Mall where I bought things new and full priced, keep away from shopping centres and opt instead to shop at second-hand stores. I’m lucky though – my neighbourhood has a pretty decent op shop (thanks Lifeline Manly) which is pretty good, and I also get my books from Desire Books, another shop I could disappear into for hours.

The only thing I’m worried about with all this supporting of pre-loved goods is whether I splurge because it is so damn affordable and end up buying twice as much as I would if they were full priced?  Meeeeeeeeeeeeh, not thinking about that for now …

I bought a pair of earrings and necklace from this stall. I was so happy.

I bought a pair of earrings and necklace from this stall. I was so happy.

This belt was unbelievable. I didn't buy it. I just thought it was too badass for me. I couldn't pull it off!

This belt was unbelievable. I didn’t buy it. I just thought it was too badass for me. I couldn’t pull it off!