In the past couple of weeks lots of things I was doing seemed too hard and nothing I was doing seemed to serve any sort of purpose. I felt like I was going through the motions and I wasn’t getting anywhere with anything. Everything was too hard.
Then I got overly critical of everything around me. Dishes were piling up. Laundry was piling up. General household cleaning was piling up. Bloody hell, even I was piling up. I was putting on weight. I wasn’t getting any exercise. I was eating crap.
And while all these feelings are really phucking terrible, I just realised it was my body’s way (or my brain’s way? I dunno) of saying that things were a bit out of whack, and I had to do something to rectify it.
So what did I do about it?
- I reassessed what I was doing. I cut down on things that could be causing me grief, and I worked on things that I thought needed working on.
- I stopped delaying the inevitable (i.e. the looming pile of dirty laundry) and stuck them in the washer and just did them, already.
- I took a long hard look at my exercise regime (or lack thereof) and told myself I am not deathly ill, so calm down, lady! I am just not as fit as I would like to be, at this stage. I started making small steps towards a healthier me (I think that’s a health insurance slogan, I dunno) by walking more, going to more yoga classes to improve my wellbeing as well as reminding my body that there is more to movement than typing and reaching for my coffee mug.
- As well as that, I recognised my sweet tooth and replaced the odd Killer Python I had in the arvo (coz I still eat like I’m 11, I know, I know …) with actual food recognisable by Mother Nature. You know, fruit and shit.
I basically told myself that I had to change my lifestyle to get what I wanted, and that is a MAJOR thing, so it is naturally going to be difficult. But if I approach my game plan as a long-term work in progress, instead of having an end goal, then I’d be easier on myself and not beat myself up if I have a setback.
I tell myself that life is not a race, it’s a marathon, so we have to pace ourselves.
Having said that, I now push on, move forward, put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. I know there are lots of people who are in considerably more pain than I am in, and they have to deal with so many more obstacles, and I’m certainly not trying to compare myself with anyone with real problems.
But on a day to day level, I try to remember that life is OK, everything is going to be OK, and in a year’s time, I’ll remind myself of how far I’ve come, because I think back to this time last year and I’m glad of what I’ve accomplished in this time.